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Co-Parenting After Separation

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As we mentioned in yesterday’s blog, children cope well with divorce if there is no parental conflict. But how do you transition from a couple to individuals with separate lives and remain successful co-parents?

Resolution’s Parenting Through Separation Guide is an excellent resource, providing lots of great advice for parents manging a relationship breakdown. Don’t forget your solicitor is also on your side. We’ve seen numerous clients through this process and we can help you understand how your actions and reactions impact on your children, both in the short and long term.

Keeping the lines of communication open with your ex is the key to co-existing successfully as separated parents. Consider setting out rules and respect them, so you can work out how this new relationship will operate.

Most importantly, remember families may change shape, but for your children, they do not end. Try to be a role model at this challenging time – no matter how hard that may seem.

Becoming co-parents

Learning to be co-parents is not easy. Separation can magnify the differences in your parenting styles and this can be a trigger point for conflict.

There are many, highly emotive issues to discuss, such as where and with whom your children will live, so try to be patient during this transition and even if you don’t agree with your ex’s view point, try to understand they too are adjusting to this new way of life.

Talking your plans through with your solicitor, or other professional, before sharing them with your partner can be beneficial. It will help you work out what your children need and highlight the compromises that will have to be reached.

Communication

The way your separation arises will no doubt influence how easy it is to communicate. If there is bitterness and acrimony there from the start, consider asking for professional help at the outset, so you can find a neutral third party to assist.

You can make what is known as a parental plan to keep you and your ex on the right track in the early weeks and months when emotions are still running high. This can cover issues such as what important information you need to share, how this will be delivered, for example by text, telephone or in person, and where/when you will talk things through. Most importantly, try to keep these discussions private – they are not something your children need to hear.

Whilst all this talking is going on, don’t forget to listen. To your partner and crucially, to your children. Divorce is a traumatic time for them and they may seem angry, upset or quieter than usual. Take time to understand what is going on in their heads.

Children react differently to their parents’ separation, depending on age, gender and character. Their behaviour can also be affected by how the separation occurred, how much conflict they witnessed, whether they can maintain a relationship with both parents and the changes that are being made to their lifestyle.

There are lots of handy hints and tips about how to keep the lines of communication open with your partner and children in Resolution’s Parenting Through Separation Guide, which can be downloaded here. To find out more about divorce and your legal position as a parent, contact our expert team on (0114) 218 4000.


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